Stupid stuff Robert says #7

“What if they made a shirt with an oled screen on it?”

“I’m too hungry to eat”

Me: “You have a sweet tooth because you have a sweet personality”
Robert: “I probably have a sweet tooth because I’m an asshole trying to fill some kind of void”

“Maybe I have autism as a placebo effect”

“You can buy chicken hearts on Google Play”

“I smoke cigarettes because of the coronavirus. Instead of me getting cancer, the coronavirus will get cancer instead and kill it.”

“We have like wireless dialup.”

Stupid stuff Robert says #6

Me: “People can only really remember up to 7 digits, which is why phone numbers are 7 digits long.”
Robert: “If people can easily remember 7 digits, then why isn’t the alphabet 7 digits long?”

“Every time you go forward in an electric car, you’re accelerating.”

“When you’re going a constant speed in a gasoline car, your car is in neutral.”

“The military should invest in diamond chainlink armor.”

Fun fact: Robert has an IQ of 129.

Stupid stuff Robert says #4

“It’s like I have a reverse headache.”

“You can feel the taste in your mouth?”

“What about a mirror that can only reflect darkess?”

“Is it possible to make a reverse stomach? Instead of digesting food, it undigests food?”

“My head feels like the smell of rubber” (possible sex joke?)

“I wouldn’t mind if my room was at 400 degrees because I’ve put my hand in an oven before and it wasn’t that bad.”


Stupid stuff Robert says #3

“My mom bought this non-GMO plastic container.”

“I have my computer plugged into a surge protector, so I’m protected against lightning strikes.” (he’s referring to one of those $20 Wal-Mart surge protectors that, from what I can tell, he’s been using for some time now, and they’re meant to be replaced every few years)

“Why don’t they put a fan in front of jet engines?”

“Yawning doesn’t mean you’re tired. It just means you’re yawning.”

“Are your eyeballs like reversed flashlights?” (I kind of understand this one, I guess. Instead of giving out light as a function, they take in light. Still, why is that even a question you have to ask?)

“It’s probably easier to see the stars in space.”

“It was infinitely different colors while infinitely no color.”

Stupid stuff Robert says #2

“Can you make a calculator in HTML?”

“Healthcare isn’t important – just don’t get sick.”

“Nothing in a game can be illogical, because games run on math, and math isn’t illogical.”

“I feel like I’m going to fart a shit out of my ass.”

“I say a bunch of stupid stuff because you don’t say stupid stuff.”

Me: “Perfect black doesn’t exist on Earth.”
Robert: “But GTA isn’t Earth.”

“Do you think it’s possible to make an electric laser?”

“ICE stands for emergency contact information.” (finally figured out it was ECI, after thinking about it for 2 minutes)

Stupid stuff Robert says #1

So my friend Robert is… not the brightest guy, and sometimes it really shows. Here on my blog, I’ll be posting collections of retarded stuff he says. None of these quotes were jokes, by the way. For all of those, he was completely serious.

On occasion, he likes to argue his stupidity to me, claiming he’s right. Usually though, he realizes he’s wrong pretty quick.

“If I make a dollar per hour, and then make 100% more, I’d be making 1.50”

“It’s 97 megabytes? That’s almost a gigabyte”

“That wasn’t the serial code – sorry, I meant the URL.”

“Windows 10 isn’t Windows NT because Windows NT is Windows 10.”

“I had it right and then I corrected myself.”

“We’ve played three games, and you’ve won four of them.”

“All squares can be rectangles, but not all rectangles can be squares.”